


Of Blood and Compromise

by obsessivelyintrigued



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Childhood Memories, Choices, Compromise, First Order!Poe, Flashbacks, M/M, Regret, Self-Sacrifice, knightpilotweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivelyintrigued/pseuds/obsessivelyintrigued
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Poe Dameron, it's a choice between dying now or later. For Kylo Ren, it is to stay in the Dark and avoid the Light.</p><p>But for Leia Organa, it's either she uses this information to save the galaxy or to forever destroy her family. </p><p>  <i>"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." - Professor Albus Dumbledore</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Blood and Compromise

**Author's Note:**

> For _Tuesday:_ Compromise.
> 
> Part of a series for knightpilotweek.

_"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."_ \- Professor Albus Dumbledore

 

**I.**

_"You're smart, Ben. You know this would be the best."_

Kylo Ren sat on the middle of the empty training chamber void of any bright lights accept for the blinking sensors of the droids that occasionally throws blaster shots at him. His lightsaber lays beside him, useless for the moment as he thinks of the repercussions Poe's actions had caused.

He feels like his whole world is quaking. Vibrating right from the core and trembles at his very being. He can barely concentrate on the bridge as he constantly challenges the General. His mind flooded with problems and 'what if' as his thoughts stray into different directions. Which is something he couldn't let his mind to do.

Taking a deep breath, Ren shuts his eyes. Palms resting on his knees as his breathing even out. He relaxes his posture as he delve deeper into his mind, reaching for the Force.

He doesn't particularly like delving into his own mind more than normal. The shock of remembering the past too strong and the feel of his mother through the Force too tempting. But he has to know.

He has to know if Leia will do something.

And also because he needs a distraction when he even can't get angry at Poe and his actions.

There are no signs that the prisoner is alive. The ship was wrecked and was sucked into the sands, but he knows he is. And he knows that Poe's plan was set into motion once that prisoner boarded a TIE Fighter, his skills similar to Poe in technique. Ren knows Poe would have told him everything he can to escape the  _Finalizer_ even when Poe himself wouldn't tell him the whole truth.

Which, he again finds himself, not blaming Poe. He knows Ren's mind is the more vulnerable one between them too. He gets to Snoke and something is off, the sith will recognize it.

He doesn't know why he is favouring Poe's actions.

He just do.

And that's the torment of it.

Because he was supposed to stay in the dark.

It was the dark that's supposed to keep him alive.

 

**II.**

Finn slowly trudges on the sands of Jakku. Sweat dripping on his skin as he heaves deep, dry breaths through his mouth.

At first, he kept cursing the oven for a planet until he couldn't find the strength anymore and just wishes for a drip of water down his throat. It feels too dry and too hot he wants to crawl out of his skin to the next civilization and find BB-8.

He was supposed to keep the map safe. And now it was BB-8 who is keeping it safe.

He doesn't particularly like blaming anyone nor himself. But he couldn't help but put this one on his shoulders. He just want to find the little droid and protect it, bring it back to the Resistance along with the First Order's ace pilot's secret.

Which, in its nature, is incredibly shocking as well.

There has been rumours, that the Republic knows the First Order's fast rising commander and ace pilot. Finn had seen him on the battlefield once. He was easily recognizable for no other TIE pilots can match his skills.

Finn admired him for that. But he is also a formidable foe.

Until that time on the  _Finalizer._

Having heard of the stories; of the General's son, Finn knows that what Poe said is true.

And it all makes sense. Too much sense perhaps, too much that Finn wishes to hear the truth from the General herself

Finn just wish he'll be back to the Resistance before the First Order finds him. Or his, and most especially Poe's efforts will be lost.

But he feels like someone else is inside his mind with him. The fingers that so easily pulled thoughts and memories from his subconscious mere hours earlier still feels like it's there. The ghost-like fingertips on the corners of his mind acting like guards, forcing him to secretly think on his own mind. Which is ridiculous in itself.

The feeling is too invading, too real and too much. He thought he was strong enough, and then he failed.

Kylo Ren played him like a true expert. Giving him the idea of being the one on top and then harshly pulling him down by his feet until _he_  is the one on top again. Until he shows Finn the real game.

That he will never win against Kylo Ren.

Because despite meeting you only for the first time, he can know everything about you with just a flick of the hand.

And that's the worst thing he can do with using the Force.

In Finn's opinions, that is. And that's all that matters now -what he truly thinks. Because here on this planet, Kylo Ren is not with him, he can think as freely as he wants.

He just have to convince himself just that.

Only if it was that easy.

 

**III.**

The next time Poe boarded Ren's shuttle, it was like tasting metal.

The idea that his plan failed and that he and the person he holds most dear is now in danger is too real when he is inside the shuttle. He can almost see Finn being dragged by the stromtroopers inside, can remember the way he assessed the man and told himself this would be the best.

How the hell did he managed to convince himself that? Not only did he risk his own life more than anyone else's but he also compromised Finn's chances of living and reaching their base. Fully knowing the Hux's next move, Poe knows he will attempt a direct assault against the Resistance soon and he is definitely in no power if the Supreme Leader approves of the Hux's plans. If that happens, there will definitely be no going back.

For there is no place to fall back on.

Still struggling with himself, Poe doesn't know how he he managed to do all those. How he managed to turn back from everything he has been with for the better half of his life, trashing it away like a toy a child doesn't want to play with anymore. Years and years of acclimating himself to all kinds of things the First Order can come up with; and a simple reminder of what he could have been if he stayed was all it took for his everything to come crumbling down.

His very kingdom, and the fire he himself ignited slowly eating out everything he built with his own blood and sweat. In which, the resulting damage itself can cause him his life.

It was useless. Turned into another disappointment, one that he can ignore if he can; but possibly one he have to face the repercussions of sooner rather than later.

But he is still blindly hoping for the best.

\--

Takodana was a total disaster for the First Order.

Poe frowns when he found out Ren brought a girl aboard the  _Finalizer._

And he recognizes her, that's the worst of all.

Because they were supposed to leave everything behind. And now the past is preying on them right before their eyes. And if they don't do anything soon, it will bite them until they are left with no other choice.

It's either face the wrath of Snoke or risk getting executed after helping the Resistance. Falling back again on the Republic's arms without guarantee that they will favour him and Ben.

Which he is having an inkling that they wouldn't.

Because no matter what happened in the end, people still see Darth Vader as the man who wreaked havoc in the galaxy.  _They_ wouldn't be any different, even if they are Ben Solo and Poe Dameron. The one who was supposed to be the very best of the  _Light._

But there is no other choice.

Either die immediately, or hope that they won't die in the near future.

Poe can't and won't ever let any of those to happen. If they have to escape after, they would. He and Ben will learnt to live anywhere else after the war, when everything is ensured and they don't have to carry the weight of all the mistakes and violence they lived to see and do. 

When everything goes back to normal. Or as close to normal as it can get.

 

**IV.**

_"And General_ ,  _Poe Dameron said to tell you that Ben is alive."_

Leia Organa sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

Han is back, with Chewie and her ace pilot -Finn along with a Force-sensitive girl named Rey. The map was safe but useless for it was only a piece. Leia knows that R2-D2 have the rest, if there was anyone that Luke would trust aside from them, (which the Jedi clearly had a problem with before) it would be the droid. If only R2 would come back to them soon.

But there are other pressing matters at hand. 

Now she have to face Ben and Poe's actions from before. She wasn't particularly sure if this is a call for help or a taunt; a plan to make her stretch a little further in an attempt to break her. But there is something inside her that is convinced she has to help.

She just have to.

It’s either the galaxy or her family. Both of which, she can't give up. Will never give up. 

Use Ben and Poe to save the galaxy and then lose them after; or save Ben and Poe and risk everything unknown to the future with no direct guarantee.

It was like doing with something that you don't know what you're supposed to come up with. But even if she knows she has to do it, the lingering doubt at the edges of her mind is too strong and persuading, it was like it was also convinced this is wrong. The rational part of her mind saying she should make a compromise, two things that will both have an outcome in which she will win; another part, one that is the mother to Ben and had become a similar one for Poe over the years says she just have to, reasons doesn't matter. Because the fact that it is Ben and Poe is reasonable enough.

But there is still the questionable part;  _is it **truly** enough?_

"Finn told me." A gruff voice suddenly said behind her.

"We found out years ago." Leia answered softly, closing her eyes for a moment. "I thought there was nothing we could do."

"There was nothing  _then."_ Han said, stepping beside her but staring everywhere but her. "There is something now."

"What do you think we should do?"

"Help them. Leia, its Ben and Poe, we have to do something."

"Do you really think we could trust them?"

Han stared back at her like he couldn't believe what she just said; the way he always does from years ago when they would argue, and Ben would run up to his room to avoid hearing them. 

But she can't do anything else and not worry that this is a trap. A personal one, and definitely a more dangerous one. And if she falls for this, everything that she and the whole Resistance is fighting for will fall and the First Order will relentlessly stomp on them as long as they want.

"That's not even the question you should be asking." Han said before walking away, disappearing among the crowd of Resistance members talking about their next course of actions, leaving Leia on her small space and thinking:

_Is it worth it?_

 

**V.**

Poe stared at his old home from afar.

He hadn't been on Yavin IV since he left with Ben. Never once stepped foot on his home planet even as a commanding officer of the First Order.

And now he returned as Poe Dameron. Just Poe Dameron and not Poe Dameron, First Order Commander and best TIE Fighter pilot.

He just wants to see his father in case all hell breaks loose.

He can't even talk to him and risk his own father's life, no. He can only watch from afar, willing whatever it is that is controlling all of reality to make his father go out of the house so he could see him. Even if it’s not the last time yet; but it has long been overdue. 

But he also fears that if he sees Kes again, he would run up to him like he would when he was a boy. Run up to him and hug him, tell him he's sorry, tell him he's sorry for disappointing him -for neglecting everything he and his mother had fought for before. For everything that he had ever done, and will do if never gets out.

He just wants to go back to the time when he was still a boy; with all the innocence and wonder of a child - the thrill and curiosity still inside him, the determination to be able to do anything. The bliss of innocence and the want to find out everything that the universe is keeping.

He just want to become the man that boy was supposed to have grown up to.

Not this poor substitute aiming for his own redemption. And still holding for the one person that is simultaneously his beginning and end.

He pushes his hands further into his pockets and sighs, staring at the Force-sensitive tree he had taken care of, then abandoned. He waits for another minute -extending his stay far longer that he should be. But there is no sign that Kes is still living in that house; and it makes Poe feel another foreign emotion, one that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Missing someone.

He turned his back from his whole childhood, not seeing Kes slowly walking out of the door with his head held low and a cup of coffee in his hands. Kes frowns, noticing the man striding away with purpose, shoulders slumped and attempting to make himself smaller.

He thought for a moment he recognized the man.

But he can't believe it, will not believe it.

Because if there is something worse than hoping for nothing, it is convincing yourself that you can still hope for something.

\--

Poe returned to a frantic Ben walking back and forth in their quarters, his cloak billowing after him as his strides kept its incessant stepping sound on the cold, hard floor.

"It's her." He simply said, to which Poe answered, "I know."

The pilot didn't spare his partner a second glance, he himself doesn't know what to do. He wants to feel guilty but it feels like he doesn't know how to anymore. He has been an adrenaline junkie for too long; been in the Order for far too long that what the other pilots said about him is true, that he is too much even for his own self. Like every time he goes out there he is looking for a new thrill, for another shot of energy through his veins, pumping through his heart and circulating through his whole body. And that made him pause to think if what he is doing now is just another form of that, another shot of thrill to course his whole body, firing up the nerves of his spine until he is satisfied. Turning his back to Ben, he removed his jacket; Ben watching him as he does, observing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." answered Poe, "What do you suppose we do to her?"

"Did you go to-" Ben cut himself off, licking his lips before closing it and nodding. "Nothing. Just keep our secret safe. I need to go to the Supreme Leader."

Then he left, like a breezing wind in the night. Cold and indifferent, making Poe wonder if this is how they end. If this is how they break each other, how they end each other. By trying so hard to be good and then not making it.

His mind feels like a pool of nothing, thoughts muddled up and he can't even pin point which secret Ben is referring to. Can't even pinpoint what he should do next, or if he even needs to do anything or just wait for stormtroopers to drag him out of their quarters and then dump him somewhere.

But keep the secret safe, that's what they are both good at.

 

**VI.**

_"You have compassion for her."_

_"By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced."_

Ben isn't so sure of that.

He is splitting in two, and he can feel it right from his core. His fast beating heart racing to reach an ending too far to see as he feel his mother through the Force. The apprehension within her, the grueling decision of whether to do something she knows is right and risk everything she is fighting with and for; or stay where she is and leave her family.

Even Ben doesn't know which choice she should favor.

Facing the Supreme Leader as Kylo Ren was harder than ever before. He knows the Supreme Leader can sense something is going on -not only within him as his apprentice but also to his surroundings. He will see Poe again as a liability, putting the pilot in danger -if not from Snoke himself, then from the rest of the Knight of Ren- and that is something that he cannot allow to happen ever again.

But Han Solo is going to Starkiller base.

With him is the Resistance pilot Poe had saved, and then the Wookie.

He knows they will try to stop the attack on D'Qar, destroy Starkiller and simultaneously save the girl.

If only it would be that easy for them. Ben is sure Hux will have Poe up there to fight, no matter if Poe doesn't want to; he have to do so or else they will know. Poe will have to do what he is good at, sending x-wings ricocheting to the ground as his TIE sweeps the sky like the real embodiment of danger. He and his squadron can take down any squad of pilots the Resistance would send and it wouldn't even cost the First Order that much.

Ben sighs, his mother should know better than that. That the best asset the Resistance would have had is both in the hands of the First Order. They have to do better than what they are doing now or the Resistance will follow the Republic into ashen remnants painting the dark canvass of the galaxy.

And he will have to do what the Supreme Leader said; he will have to completely destroy the Light within him.

If only it was that easy.

 

**VII.**

_"Ben! I don't want it here, please!" the little girl sobbed, grabbing onto the older boy's arms. "I can do it, I can fight them!"_

_"No you can't!" Ben said, barely keeping his voice down. "Rey, I have to keep you safe. I have to, or else they will get you as well. And I can't let that happen."_

_"But I can fight like you!" Rey said, her eyes gleaming up to Ben, pleading. "I'm not that strong, but I can help."_

_"Just stay here, Rey. Please, promise me." Ben crouched down to her level, meeting her gaze. "I promised Uncle Luke I will keep you safe. And I intend to, just trust me, please."_

_Rey shook her head, closing her eyes in refusal. Her lower lip is trembling as she fights back her sobs; the sounds of lightsaber hitting another lightsaber serving as odd background in their exchange. Ben raises his hand to cradle her cheek, running his thumb in comfort on her cheekbones. "I'll come back for you, I promise."_

_Ben let go of her and closed the partition on the wall, making sure it is hidden on plain sight before squaring his shoulders and storming in to fight. He quickly fought his way to find Skywalker, shaking his head as if it would clear his mind. He found the Jedi Master on the meditation chamber, alone._

_"Did you do it?" the Jedi master asked._

_"Yes, did_ you  _do it?"_

_"Yes." Luke replied, raising his gaze to finally meet Ben's. "Are you sure of this?"_

_Blinking rapidly, Ben shifts his gaze away from his master. He wills his breathing to even out, closing his eyes and attempts to have a moment of peace. Their actions far too much, their plan odd and too farfetched._

_"This is beastly, Ben. There is no guarantee-!" Luke said, standing up and frantically walking in circles. "What if you don't come out? What if Poe doesn't arrive? What if Poe doesn't agree?"_

_"There are too many what ifs!" Ben shouted back, throwing his lightsaber away. "If we do not attempt to end this now there is no chance we will win in the future!"_

_"No one can know that!" Luke shouted back, his blue eyes burning in shock and foreboding. "No Jedi can know that."_

_"And no one can defeat him." Ben shook his head, "Even **you** knows you can't."_

_Luke closes his eyes, shaking his head as he raises his hand to run it through his hair. "Only you and Rey can. And there is no guarantee that everything will go as planned."_

_"We have to try."_

_"And Poe?"_

_"He'll keep it, he'll keep it for me."_

_Luke raises his gaze to Ben, seeing the conviction on his nephew's face. He gave a curt nod that promptly made Ben walk closer to him, "Keep yourself grounded." he said, before raising his fingers to touch the boy's forehead._

_He flee before Ben wakes up, not turning to look back; fearing that he will not be able to accept what he had planned and allowed to happen._

_Later, Luke will grieve with his sister; will try to make Han stay. Then he himself will do what is expected of him. Again._

_Later, when he stage the act of failing. He will do the unexpected and go somewhere no one can find him. Trusting only his droids and no one else. Constantly fearing of failing even when it is years in the future._

_Later, Luke will see his father again, with Obi-wan; and they will not tell him anything of what might happen. They'll just be there for him._

_And even if he asks them to watch over his nephew, they will not say anything._

 

**Author's Note:**

> dont forget to check out the other's work officially reblogged [here.](http://knightpilotweek.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, comments and/or kudos are always welcome! I apologize for the lateness and inconsistency at posting new works, school is a beast and I lose motivation sometimes, sorry.


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